Food. Calories.

I just need to vent. This is from my Sparkpeople blog.

I have been logging my food faithfully for the week. I started out horrible on my calories but finally got it up there. My goal each day is to hit 1500 calories. Here is how I did for the week.

I am thrilled that I did get over 1,000 every day. Don’t get me wrong there. I even celebrated the day I went over 1500! But I am so bummed that I can not get to 1500 every day (And I am not sucking down butter just for calories).

Like, I see so many people stressing over, “Oh man, I went this many calories over my limit.” and I am kind of envious. I wish I could go over 1500 calories. It happens like once a month. And it only happens because I eat cookies and soda for a day. And I STILL don’t get 2000, but at least I get over 1500 those days. In the last year, I went over 2,000 calories ONCE.

I wouldn’t stress about not enough calories but I gain weight when I am not getting enough. I am so frustrated.

If I eat enough to hit 1500, I start throwing up because I just can’t eat that much food. I want to! I love food! I would eat like a pig if I could. But I just can’t. It just sits in my stomach for awhile. I either don’t eat much or I end up puking it back up the next day. Neither is a good choice.

I would go to a doctor but they don’t really do anything. They say my GI is working fine. After all, those three bites of egg emptied from my stomach just fine. All eggs do. They shoot through me like you wouldn’t believe. (They put in my chart that I had toast and jelly too. Nope. Just egg.)

But I can’t eat eggs all day. Or maybe I could, but I don’t like them that much. So I am stuck trying to find the highest calorie foods to eat and hoping I can eat it.

You know what’s weird… I forgot what it’s like to feel hunger. I even tried to go without eating until I felt hungry. After, I think, three days I gave up and ate something because I was starting to get dizzy.

But, there’s nothing wrong with me. So I just have to force food through my system. Right? Right. Eat until I puke and then eat something else. Eventually something will stick.

At least with tracking my food that I eat, I can find patterns. Like, when I eat oatmeal, I get less calories that day than usual (by about 500). That is why I stopped eating oatmeal. Maybe I should start adding sugar to my coffee again. It’s empty calories but at least it’s calories.

Signing off – Trying not to puke – Going to take a walk

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