I haven’t been active online very much lately. There is a lot going on in my mind. Stress, mostly. I have been planning the rest of my life since I have come to terms with a few things. Mostly that I can’t get or keep a job and I am not a people person. People who knew me from way back are probably shocked at the second part.
I can forget about getting a job
Don’t worry. This isn’t all negative. I swear.
I am never getting a job so I need to be self-employed. I am sure I can spend another five years job hunting (and I will continue to job hunt just in case) but once I get a job, they will find out I have epilepsy and find a reason to fire me. I am not holding my breath. I NEED to be self-employed.
I need to be independent
I can’t continue to keep depending on my ex (technically my husband) for the rest of my life. I need to be able to support myself. This part is mostly me wanting to be independent. But I am sure he would like to have his life back too.
Don’t get me wrong, the help has been greatly appreciated but I am sick of having to depend on someone else for everything.
I tried being a Virtual Assistant and, frankly, I can’t handle crazy people. The pay sucks. The bullshit “deals” that people offer sucks. I got tired of, “I’ll let you work for free for exposure” and “I can only afford to pay you $3 for your two days of work. Is that okay?”
My pay averaged out to $1 an hour on the lowest days and $5 an hour on good days. No one wants to pay me what I am worth and I am tired of working for slave wages.
Oh and my absolute favorite when I back out of a “deal” is, “I am trying to HELP you. I am doing this for YOU.” Yea, uh-huh. You sure it’s not because you keep lowering my pay and can’t find anyone willing to work for slave wages?
I like the area but there is nothing here for me
While I love Libby, I really have no reason to stay here.
Family? I can come back for a visit. I have a lot of family I haven’t seen in 11 years that I would like to see again. I can travel eventually.
The culture is as toxic as the asbestos. Individual people, I do fine with. However, as a whole, this area is not the culture I want to live in. I’ll come back to visit but my whole life doesn’t revolve around drinking at bars and doing not much else. I need something else to live for.
I came here to get closer to the family I didn’t grow up with. I did that. I feel like my move here served its purpose.
Having no income, I am treated very differently, than when I was full-time employed and had money. I have noticed the shift over the last five years and it’s not helping my mental state.
Therapy only goes so far. Now I need to do something.
I have gone to therapy for five years. FIVE YEARS! And I could probably go some more but my last day was yesterday. Honestly, in the beginning, I really needed someone to tell me I wasn’t crazy. Trust me, I tried to convince her I was but she is a good psychologist. I came a long way. She helped me see a lot of the abuse, getting treated like a doormat, and helped me come to terms with my limitations.
Yesterday was my last day. I feel good about this. I feel like I am on the right path. No amount of therapy is going to help when you are in rut. This is my time to get my life back together.
I am moving!
I made a joke to my ex one day that went something like; “I can always move back to Tennessee and be a chicken farmer!”
At first, I was kidding. Then I got curious.
- How much do chickens cost? (About $5 if all grown, depending on breed. Less if raised from chicks.)
- How much does it cost to feed a chicken per day? (About 70 cents if I make my own feed. Even less if I turn the feed into fodder.)
- How many chickens do I need? (I am still debating)
- How do I raise them? (researched a books worth)
Then I started searching Craigslist. I can get a lot of the stuff I need to get started for free, even the chickens!
I started searching for homesteading information. I also searched for living off grid. I ended up talking to several people… and I decided this might be my best chance at being self-sufficient and self-employed.
I can sell food at the farmer’s markets and flea markets. I priced booths. I will have fewer expenses. Phone, internet (hopefully), land taxes, fuel for a generator until I can get solar power set up, food, hygiene supplies, and animal supplies (and things of that nature).
I’ll slowly work into being a hermit… I mean, a homesteader. I’ll be able to start generating my own income if all goes well.
At the end of August, I will be moving. I plan to update the blog occasionally but when I get there, I can update from my phone… actually, I can do a LOT of stuff with my phone. I’ll also be a little more excited about doing YouTube videos because I’ll have something to do besides recipes and a little more excitement… even if it only excites me.
Plus, that will be great for family and friends updates. This blog and YouTube will be my way of updating my family and friends. If I run out of data, I can wait until the month is over.
I want to get as independent as I can and get divorced. I am tired of waiting for a divorce! Finally, I will be free! I will be a farmer/ living off in the woods but I am really looking forward to this now! I can do this!
I have a list of goals (I’ll post them later) that I plan to start working towards as soon as I get there. Top one is to stay connected to people. Leave me to my own devices and I’ll become a recluse in a heartbeat. That’s not healthy. The goal is long but that’ll give me PLENTY of stuff to keep occupied.
Until next update… I’ll keep adding to the list and get it ready to post.