50 Questions: Excruciatingly Embarrassing Moment

I am having a lot of trouble with this one. I can’t really think of anything that was “excruciatingly embarrassing”. I don’t really go enough places to embarrass myself except to the store with my friends and when… Oh, wait… no… I thought of one.

“YOU’RE NOT YOU!” 

My friend, Nikky, and I were on a road trip from Bremerton, WA back home to Montana. We were sleep deprived and just wanted to get home. But, first we had to pee. So we stopped at Fred Meyer’s in Tacoma and went running inside because we didn’t stop in two hours and we were chugging coffee.

The lay out of that Fred Meyer is strange. The bathroom was at the end of a very long hall that was at the end of another very long hall. Nikky made it first, saw that someone was in one of the stalls and took one near the middle and then tucked her feet back behind the toilet so I would only see one set of feet when I went in. 

It worked, I saw one set of feet, ran straight to the back of the bathroom, took the last stall and barely made it onto the toilet. And peeing felt so good at that point. My bladder was hurting from holding it so long. Being the silly person I am, I said loudly and enthusiastically, “OH MY GOD! That feels so good!” I hear Nikky laugh. So I said, “I feel like a new man!” She laughed more.

It was great fun. When I was done, I was getting my pants up when I saw a person walk out of the stall and head to the sinks. Their coat was white. My friend’s coat is white. I thought it was my friend.

nikky bathroom laughing

Hand washing gone wrong

So I walk out, walk up to a sink, soap up, and turn to the person thinking it’s my friend… I realized it wasn’t her and jumped and shrieked, “OH MY GOD! YOU’RE NOT YOU!” The poor lady recoiled and stepped as far from me as she could.

By this time, Nikky had come out of the stall and laughing hysterically. It was the kind of laugh you give when you are sleep deprived and everything is exceptionally funny. She starts washing her hands as I start rinsing mine off. I turn to Nikky and explained that I thought the other lady was her. I didn’t even know there was someone else in the bathroom. We laugh.

I went to dry my hands and get out of the bathroom as fast as possible because I was dying of embarrassment at this point. I grabbed paper towels, dry my hands, toss them in the trash, and head for the door as Nikky follows me out. So I turn to her and get like inches from her face, literally, before I realize it’s not Nikky. It’s the other lady… AGAIN!

I jumped back and yelled, “OH MY GOD! YOU’RE STILL NOT YOU!” which is when Nikky completely lost it and started belly laughing, complete with gasping for air. The poor lady pushed her way past me and ran out of the bathroom. I stood there mortified for a second as Nikky dried her hands and headed toward the door.

As we left the bathroom, we see the lady running down the hallway, hitting the other hallway wall, turning and running out of sight. EVERYONE in the hallway turned to look at us as Nikky fell out of the bathroom in hysterics.

We managed to make it through the store and back out to the vehicle. But I learned a lesson that day.  Nikky laughs are amazing. I also make sure it’s actually Nikky before I start talking and not some terrified lady. I will never live that down.

I AM CRAZY! I have PROOF!

Sorry for the late posting. I went to therapy today and started with, “I am crazy. I just know I am. I have lost my damned mind.” My Psychologist laughed and was all, “No you are not!” And I said, “I have PROOF!” So she humored me and listened.

First, don’t Google anything yet. Make notes and then compare them to what you remember and what Google says.

Remember Jiffy peanut butter?

I remember Jiffy peanut butter. Not Jif! JIFFY! My kids remember Jiffy peanut butter. In fact, they remember when it switched over to the name “Jif” because I bitched about it for about a month because I couldn’t my beloved Jiffy. Everyone in my apartment building remembers Jiffy. My mom remembers Jiffy. My friends remember Jiffy.

It was JIFFY. Not Skippy. JIFFY! Jiffy peanut butter was the bomb!

So I sent an email to Jif asking when they changed the name. Here is the email I got back. Remember… no Googling yet!

Reference Number 10680945 dotchi gmail.com Gmail

In case you can’t read it because of screen size, it says,

“… the name Jif was chosen because it was easy to say, spell and remember. It was never called Jiffy.”

Stay with me on this… changing subjects. This is NOT a squirrel alert! And stay off Google until I am done.

Berenst_in Bears Books

Remember the lovable anthropomorphic family of bears that lived in a tree and had wonderful lessons to teach in each book? How did you spell the name?

Berenstein?

Berenstain?

Write it down. Visualize the book in your head. If you have a book nearby, no peeking.

Back to therapy

So, I told my psychologist about these two things. I made sure she agreed with me that Jiffy peanut butter was real and that she spelled the bears names like I remembered. Then I blew her mind…

Jiffy peanut butter never existed. Ever. It isn’t a thing.

I remember spelling it, “BerenstEin”. How did you spell it? Write it down. Okay, now Google it.

It is spelled BerenstAin. I swear to you it was spelled with an E. She said, “No. It was spelled with an E.” and objected to the non-existence of Jiffy peanut butter.

She didn’t believe me SO much so that she went and got her computer and brought it in the counseling room and googled it herself. She seriously thought I was bullshitting her. The look on her face and the gasp of shock as she saw this was totally worth all the happy pills in the world.

I would like to stop and take a moment to proudly announce that I am so crazy that I am taking my Psychologist with me! Not sure if that counts as a squirrel alert or not…

Yes, my psychologist was blown away.

Okay, now go search for Jiffy peanut butter. It doesn’t exist. It never has. The ONLY thing I could find was in a cartoon. You can see it here. Does that look like Jiffy peanut butter to you? It is super close to me! But other than that one picture, I cannot find it. In fact, if you Google “Jiffy peanut butter” you get this…

Jiffy peanut butter Google Search

Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself.

What the fuck!?

In case you are checking to make sure you took your meds today, you can put the lid back on your bottle. It’s called the Mandela effect.

It was named that because MANY people vividly remember Nelson Mandela dying in the 70’s or 80’s while in prison. Do you remember that? Brace yourself… He died December 5, 2013. Here is the WIkipedia page.

If you think I am totally batshit crazy, you can check out The Mandela Effect’s Major Memories page and start scrolling. They have a list of them. I had to Google some of them because I was like, “No. It’s BarbAra Streisand! Not Barbra!” *types in Google* “Wait. Whaaaa….???” The comments have other ones so enjoy the read.

Have you experienced the Mandela effect? Let me know in the comments. I am curious to hear your experiences.

If you think we are all crazy, that’s cool (check the title of my blog), we still love ya!